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| Anyway...I just finished 'Foreign Bodies' by Tan Hwee Hwee and it's DAMN DAMN DAMN brilliant. So what if it's by a local writer? This just proves that Singaporeans can write.
I thought long, hard, deep and I still don't have the answers.
Nor the directions to where I plan on going.
But, it clears a lot of crap in my mind.
I feel colder and yet better and I know what I don't want to be,
and I guess I might never let anyone in, cause of the way I am, and I don't know why either.
Perhaps I cannot truly accept people for what they are.
I expect something. I always do. And I always end up disappointed.
Love doesn't make the world go round, acceptance does.
Acceptance, of every flaw, minor or major, every imperfection.
I sound so faux philosopher and all, but this was a new revelation to me, as cliche as crappy as it sounds, but I kinda anticipated tt people wouldn't understand. Since when can anyone comprehend me
My heart does not have the capacity to love.
Maybe I love my parents cause they are my parents, my sister cause she is my sister, my close friends cause they are my friends. But, there is more to loving someone than merely for who they are. Eg, status. Would you love your mother now, if she was just an acquaintance?
So...kinship, providence.....red threads. Yeah I kinda believe in that.
And about my religion,
I don't care what people say about it.
But Im not gonna be a catholic in name,
like almost every other catholic I know.
If I say I believe, I will believe, but not now.
I cannot accept anything, anyone right now, and even if God accepts me, I cannot accept myself, or Him or anything.
I'll shove everything away from me.
Cuz my life motto is : Don't get closer to people. You always end up hurting them, and yourself, some way or another. Just stay away before you get too attached.
So I'm distant, Im cold, I'm fucked, I'm nobody's friend and I'm a loner.
I chose this path.
Regrets? Yes, but it doesn't change anything, and I don't know how to change anything even if I wanted to.
I love Literature, it means a lot to me.
It's almost as important as blogging.
I love reading and thinking, I just fucking hate the writing part.
I'm not writer-material.
Neither can I talk.
My inability to express myself in any and every way is unnerving
I dislike people, I judge, I criticize,
so I stay away from these people cause I don't want to hate them.
Hate is a terrible thing.
I should know.
I need to read. I crave books. I bury myself in books, it eases reality, it's so comforting, it's like a place to escape.
This post makes no sense to anyone who is reading, perhaps even me, ten years down the road.
But Im going to post this cause this morning (12am-2.57am) this means everything to me.
This is part of my existence.
This is part of me.
And I live, because God lets me live.
Not for anything, anyone or even for God, cause I'm too shallow to say I'm a true believer.
But at this moment, everything makes sense, everything that cannot be expressed in words. | | |
| Sorry I don't think I can type my Zeus essay here cause I need to submit it:) | | |
| Okay school fucks,Duh.Hair is short,but apparently not short enough to be let down,yadah etc etc.Absurd rules.
Class is mmm alright I guess,slightly better than last year's.And Panadol and I spent some quality time tgtr:)
Kay updates would be on trapezeedge.blogspot.com & puchiass@lj and fishtheeye@lj.
Not that anyone is reading this old ditch-blog of mine lol. | | |
| Hi I'm finally back for awhile.
I've been blogging like a maniac at mustardsmear.blogspot.com and puchiass.livejournal.com.The former is recently started and its about anything and everything,while the latter is more about my results in the ij singapore school which is um average i guess.which i keep ranting about none stop heh.
if i do have time,ill drop by my subs and comment,if i comment sth like brilliant,it means i really love that particular post:)if i didn't comment,well its probably cause im late for sth or have no time for sth currently or i just dk what to say.
im over my eoy exams,which doesn't mean much and am struggling to cope w my physical and emotional shit which heck is no easy feat.
Also,I'm nuts about Kyle Xy,Psych,Veronica Mars,ANTM,Identity,The Simpsons and TVB Hk dramas.
I am currently in love with Foxtrot,Pearls before Swine,Dilbert,The Simpsons and a few more comics
I read books and I'm trying to get all Kathy Reichs and Jodi Picoult books.Any authors to recommend?
I like music from Hawthorne Heights,The Moldy Peaches,Breaking Benjamin,All American Rejects,Lost Prophets,Houston Calls,Daphne loves Derby,Flyleaf,Anberlin,Dishwalla,RelientK,30 seconds to mars,mayday parade,tokio hotel,dcfc,cobra starship,falloutboy,jacks mannequin,cute is what we aim for,the red jumpsuit apparatus,switchfoot,boys like girls,paramore,Incubus,Push Play,Play Radio Play,Yellowcard,Armor For Sleep,The Academy Is,The Fray,Straylight Run,something corporate,bright eyes,Mcfly,snow patrol,maaya sakamoto,ayumi hamasaki,Jimmy Eat World,bullet fr my valentine,Hellogoodbye,Imogen Heap,Goo Goo dolls,blink182,patd,FM Static,Taking Back Sunday,Michael Learns to Rock,Shiny Toy Guns,Emery,Sugarcult,GoodCharlotte,The Spill Canvas,Muse,Stars,the juliana theory,eisley,Secondhand Serenade,Oasis.
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| /Hai-lo,meet Puchi the Panda.He's gonna poke the jelly out of your eyeballs(and give Dilbert a wedgie)
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